My Wurdz

The more I understand about Buddhism, the more I realize how it has changed my life.

Lately, I have been feeling rather unmotivated and depressed and I have been struggling with the various candidate causes.

I realized, just in the last few days, when I chose to adopt a Buddhist philosophy, who I am, my self-concept, my identity began to change.  The teachings of Buddhism seem to stress the importance non-attachment because attachment leads to suffering.  I've grown to realize the attachments I developed while growing up and as an adult were me, my identity.  Now that I'm trying to de-attach myself, those attachments are no longer as much a part of who I once was and who I am and I begin to wonder, as a Buddhist, "who am I?".

While contemplating this rather worn-out, banal theme of philosophy, the thought came to me that while Buddhism seems to emphasize non-attachment, what it really teaches is appropriate attachment.  Attachment is ok as long as you are aware of the object to which you attach yourself, the object and the attachment meet some beneficial purpose, and you don't allow your attachments to make you and make your choices.

I believe that attachment can exist without the clinging, grasping and aversion that lead to suffering.  But it requires practice and discipline to cultivate the appropriate state of attachment.  As The Buddha taught, the middle way is the correct way, the skillful way to true happiness and contentment; not over-attachment or total asceticism but moderation and mindfulness as a way of addressing and overcoming the suffering that is in life.

This kind of attachment is like a bird held in the hand.  You and the bird, while touching, while physically close, while sharing the same environment, are separate.  When you open your hand, the bird flies away.  It is still the bird.  You are still you.  Such should be the way of all things. - Me

We as humans tend to attach ourselves to objects (ideas, opinions, other people, things, emotions) and by doing so we make those objects our identity.  We allow the objects of our attachment to become so much a part of ourselves that we loose the ability to think clearly and act objectively.  We forget our capacity for volitional action.  When we are so deeply attached to objects, any thing or person that encroaches on the object of our attachment makes us feel threatened, afraid and even hateful.

Instead of living with attachment at the center of our identity, we should be more mindful of our choices and values and live more in the moment.  As Qui-Gon Jin told Obi-Wan Kenobi in 'Star Wars, the Phantom Menace', "You focus determines your reality."

So then, since I believe I should not make attachments, or the objects of my attachments, part of my identity, what is my identity?  Who am I?  And, while pondering that thought another thought comes to me, "Should I even be asking such a question?".  Am I not overly attached to my desire to establish, in my mind, my identity?  Maybe I should stop asking my self "Who am I?" and just start to 'BE'.  Ah.